it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
