She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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