I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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