Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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