I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
