I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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