i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Come back. Shots need mouths.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
