1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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