I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
