She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
