Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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