Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
