I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
