i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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