Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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