I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
