The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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