tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
