I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
