Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
