I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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