Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
