Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
