i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
