Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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