every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The uberlube is also flammable
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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