Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
