Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
