just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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