they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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