Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
