Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
