just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
