i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
