Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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