i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
