Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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