she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
