Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
