I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Pooping to opera.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
