the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
