grandma shit on top of the toilet
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Randomize
