I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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