My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
