i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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