We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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