You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The power of my boobs compel you
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
