with your own penis?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Randomize
