y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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