You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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