I want to have your abortion
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
