What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
