ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
