That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Little spoons don't ask big questions
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
